Honesty Without Tact
“I don’t beat around the bush; I just tell it like it is!” The man who was the president of the denomination where I served, spoke to me after an executive council meeting and said, “Duane, you are a brash brat.” Ouch! I shared his comments with the man who was my mentor hoping to find some sympathy. His response was, “Well, is it true Duane?” Another “Ouch!” This was radical honesty.
Tact is radical honesty with anaesthetic. I have a good friend of whom it has been said, “He is the only man I know who can tell you to go to hell and you will enjoy the journey.” Tact is the ability to take the truth and clothe it with persuasive words. Tact doesn’t dull the point of the truth; it simply dulls the pain of its insertion. There is an old proverb that says, “Better are the wounds of a friend than the kisses of an enemy.”
Radical honesty is about facing the truth about ourselves; what behaviors are offensive; am I drifting or achieving goals; what is working and what’s not working. It’s about moving from fear and denial to making more conscious choices and decisions. In business, it means telling the truth about your market, your industry, your company, and your job. It means clearly facing business challenges, anticipating future trends, and finding ways to innovate— before someone or something else forces you to change. In the home it’s about facing my relationship with my spouse and children with transparency and trust. In what ways do I offend? Do I keep my promises? Do I announce decisions or interact to gain input from each person?
Radical honesty ultimately frees you. The hardest place to start on the path to honesty is with ourselves. It’s simply easier to tell ourselves what we want to hear or what we think will make us feel better than what is ultimately truthful about what’s going on. The issue with this kind of benevolent mendacity is that it creates blind spots. These blind spots shield us from reality and keep us from fully utilizing our keen senses and loving awareness to collect the feedback that is all around us. Without that feedback, it is so much harder for us to learn and grow; therein lies our dilemma. Without growth, we perish. Totalitarianism thrives in controlled speech and muted counter speech.
Radical honesty opens the door for transparent dialogue. Not long ago a movie was released entitled, No Safe Spaces. The two men who produced it represent polar opposites in their ideological perspectives. Through this film, Prager and Carolla are tackling the dangers of “wokeness” and the suppression of speech that has taken over college campuses. Like the two producers, the people interviewed in the movie have radically opposing points of view. But, they can all agree on this: Free speech on our campuses and in the public square is essential for a free society.
Radical honesty has been suppressed in Canada over the past 2 years. Our government, national media, major institutions, and unfortunately, our own family and friend circles, are guilty of covering over or silencing opposing ideas and suppressing or twisting truth. This culminated with the recent declaration of the emergency measures act, which, has now been revoked.
What I want to see is open transparent communication. When we allow opposing voices to be silenced by intimidation, force of power, or any other means, we are casting a vote for totalitarianism in our homes, workplaces, communities, and ultimately our nation.
Go ahead; state your case and present your facts and I’ll see you at the top.
Duane Harder
