Out Of The Rut – Kat Dancer – Jun 2022

Chapter 142

Egad! What is your relationship with fear like?
That’s a question that doesn’t come up in conversation too often. I heard this recently on a podcast, an extremely interesting and thought-provoking podcast. We talk about love all the time, we – generally – understand that love is the foundation for so much of what drives us to do things. Love is what binds a family together, a relationship, a practice of an art throughout a lifetime. Through love we can achieve anything, bring happiness, peace and contentment to ourselves and others. With love we can build communities, families, businesses, organizations and adventures.

The other side of love is fear. With fear, we are driven to do things we may later regret, with fear we are driven to do things we may later look back on with immense pride. With fear we are driven to hide aspects of our lives that could well do better under the bright light of day.

Everything hangs in the balance between love and fear, it’s not what happens, it’s how we react. When I first began writing this column, I was swathed in layers of fear and anticipation. I was leaving Canada for Thailand, I was also leaving my home, my then husband, my thriving practice… to abandon all and see what the universe had to offer. Much fear.

I described it back then as stepping off a cliff, arms wide, accepting the fall and anticipating the catch (as opposed to the splash & smash at the bottom). Fortunately for me, the flying fear approach worked out ok. I was swept away in the slipstream of Fantuzzi and the new world I had discovered, and with that energy and a resistance to fear, I was able to launch myself into a myriad new experiences and friendships over the ensuing years.

Much as it was when we decided to leave England for Canada, a fear-fuelled adventure in itself. On my last tour of my office in the quaint(ish) town of Gerrards Cross, one of the older employees there asked why I was moving to Canada. I had a momentary hiatus of thought… what kind of a question is that? Of course, if you have never considered emigrating, it’s a perfectly logical question. For someone on the cusp of stepping on the plane to begin that adventure, it’s quite a strange one. Why move to Canada? Overcoming fear. Fresh air, wide open skies, horses and countryside, large wild animals, astonishing geology and topography, incredible history (even though many Canadians feel as though they haven’t got much history)… opportunities to learn, to travel, to discover, to work and play with people from different walks of life, a much better standard of living, space to breathe. Yes, why would one consider moving?

So nearly 30 years later, I still feel as though I’m on the cusp at times. This Canadian adventure has powered my blood with untold adventures, images and beautiful scenery and sounds. The eerie call of a Loon on a lake in northern Ontario is something to be experienced in the misty early morning hours. The call of the wolf or high thin scream of a hawk in the midst of the mountains is another.

The heart-bursting sensation as I ride over a ridge looking at the Rocky Mountains trying to imagine what this same experience would have felt like one or two hundred years earlier. Or the subtle sense of immeasurable time sliding by as I sit on the banks of the Elbow, absorbing the sounds and smells of the rocks and earth, birds and trees.

I’m afraid. I’m afraid of the time when my beloveds will no longer be at the end of the phone or the next flight. I’m afraid of the time when my body will no longer do what I ask (sometimes that is right now these days). I’m afraid that my intentions will be misread or misheard. I’m afraid that I may not get to do the things that are yet bubbling on my ‘to-do’ list. I’m afraid that fear may get in the way and stop me doing things I really do want to do. I’m afraid that my best intentions will wither on the vine and I will fail to realize my ambitions… such as they are.

On the other hand. I LOVE this place, my friends, family, supporters. I love the animals with whom I am blessed to spend time. I love the work I am able to do and the way in which I am able to support others through this work. I love the compassionate horsemanship I’m now exploring more deeply. The ways to listen, connect, understand and relate with another being are endless.

I love the discovery of Thai Massage. What an incredible blessing that was – to find, late in life, a beautiful harmonious means of connecting, supporting and sharing. Thai Massage represents the integration of heart, mind, body, soul, all energy flowing in all the right places and directions. With good touch and great intention, Thai Massage helps a body restore and repair, helps muscles and mind let go of tension and anxiety. Thai Massage helps me release fear and uncertainty, helps me remain focused, present, in tune with the body on the mat, to meditate; the entire process, the Dance Of Thai Massage, is a movement meditation. What a privilege to be here, now.

With gratitude and love, Kat Dancer
bodymudra@gmail.com
403-931-3866 (h)
+1 415 525 2630 (c)