Chapter 121
There seem to be more what ifs in my days. What if I did this next? Or didn’t do that at all? What if that happens or the other? What if I let you go, swinging without a net as I jump from pillar to post? Will you follow?
Watching politics warp in upon itself can twist one’s mind to oblivion. Hearing news of chaos and angst around our communities and the world can do worse. As we plunge into the thickness of winter and the longest days, our need for sunshine and outside activity deepens. The desire or motivation, however, often evaporates in seeming correlation to intensity of need.
Sudden fascination with new things or the energy to revisit an old hobby can brighten days – and provide great resources for presents too. On the other hand, apathy is another aspect of this year’s changes that strikes numbing blows of pure aaaaurmmmhhh… whaaaa? Juxtapose this with searing anxiety, the lovechild of endless new challenges, all to be met in isolation. All the souls who live alone…
Not being able to think of something, made me think of something. The wall that erects itself in my mind under pressure… the sensation of stunned inertia where usually a bazillion ideas, thoughts, images, words and feelings, tumble through trackless mental choreography. There are few moments when emptiness stuns thought into naught, but today is one of them.
Sun is gleaming, moving in a mysterious dance, half-veiled beyond shimmering Chinook clouds. Mountains sleep on the perimeter, swathed in dreams of warmer days, mists of memories, shrouds of hopes and expectations. Snow creeps toward us from the dust of their peaks. The warm echoes of the Pacific’s thundering wave-whipped winds transform our air into Spring’s entourage. The mythic advent of next year’s growth is already waving in the distance through the magic of our southern Alberta Chinook experience. Can you feel it?
I wax lyrical. And then not.
I travelled back in time again… to 1970/71, to the Peruvian journey my father took, which was the launchpad for our move to Iran. Fascinating details for me. As a small child so much is overlooked in memory’s experience. To hear now how things came about is like opening yet another captivating historical story book. Once things digest, there’s a fair chance more vignettes from past travels will bubble up in these pages some time down the line.
Yet onward, of course. Each day slips or skips away according to typing accuracy. With the current situation, it often feels as though I have forgotten something vital, like how to get up and go to work or school. Sometimes it feels like waking from a dream to realise this is the dream, and then to fall into confusion over how to wake up. Other times, the normalcy is overwhelming, nothing has changed other than everything… as is perfectly normal and has been going on for ever, presumably to continue for the same period. Good luck with that and all who sail in her.
Blissings for the beautiful and ever- changing new year!
With gratitude and love, Kat Dancer
bodymudra@gmail.com
www.kat-dancer.com
415.525.2630, ph/txt/wtsp
