To Change or not to Change?
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971)
There are many things in our life over which we have absolutely no control. There are areas over which we have some control, and then there are fewer areas over which we have total control.
Let’s start with the obvious, there are areas over which we have no control. The person who resists this fact is trying to sweep back the ocean tide with a corn broom. Worse than that, they are in danger of becoming control freaks who micromanage life and try to force others to change. Underneath they have the delusion that if they can gain enough control they will prevent bad things from happening. They are in danger of spending countless hours worrying about the possibility of what might happen. Worry wastes my creative energy in the present worrying about all the “what ifs,” lamenting over the “if only,” and beating myself up with “I should have known better.” There is nothing that I do today that will change what I did yesterday.
I have no control over the thoughts and actions of others. I need to accept the fact that every person has the right to be wrong. I cannot control foolish decisions that have a negative impact on my life.
Furthermore, I cannot control the structural design of my body. Yes, cosmetic surgery can bring minor changes to my appearance. Does it open the door to greater influence? Can it generate greater opportunities for advancement in my career? Would changing the size of my ears make me a better person? My dad used to remind me that God gave me large ears so that I could engage them in collecting wisdom rather than using my big mouth to dominate conversation.
I hate to state the obvious, but we cannot control the weather. Complaining about the weather is a colossal waste of energy. It is either too hot or too cold, too much rain or too arid, too windy or too much pollution, and the list goes on.
Recognize and accept that there are areas of your life over which you have no control. Now have a funeral service and bury the general manager of the universe. You may have to spend some time grieving the loss of his control, but I can assure you, your best days are ahead of you.
Now sit down and make a list over the areas when you have some control and total control. You have some control over your schedule. At work you have control over your lunch time and coffee breaks. You have some control over your home environment. You can work with your children in establishing their priorities and then look for ways in help them achieve them.
You can block off time with your wife to discuss the needs of the family, your life goals and dreams and what steps would have to be taken to achieve them.
You are the one who is in total control of your words, actions, and attitudes. No one forces you to speak negative things about yourself or others. You can choose words that affirm, inspire, and release life. You can choose corrective words that affirm and adjust without releasing curses and condemnation. You and you alone are in control of what comes out of your mouth.
You are in total control of every choice that you make – good or bad. If it was a bad decision, what factors prompted me to make the choice, is there a character weakness that my choice has exposed and what steps can I take to correct it, and what life lessons have I learned from the decision? Allow the good decisions to reinforce and attitude of gratitude.
Remember, your attitude determines your altitude. We have the lab evidence to prove that bad attitudes tend to produce “crash landings.” You are in control of your attitude.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. I’ll see you at the top.
Duane Harder
