In Search of Manhood
In a few weeks we will celebrate Father’s Day. For some it will be a day of celebration and joy. Fond and precious memories will be relived. For others, it is a day of pain. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, abandonment, and a long list of offences cover the day with a dark cloud of disappointment and despair. We can’t alter the events of the past, but we can make choices in the present that create a memorable past.
Change in the present requires the elimination of a victim mentality. We need to silence the voices that contribute to this. T S Eliot in his poem The Hollow Men describes us with these words:
“We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw.
Alas Our dried voices when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dried grass
Or rats’ feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar
Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralyzed force, gesture without motion; . . .”
An Anthology of Verse Toronto Oxford University Press, 1964
Or what about these words from the famed anthropologist, Margaret Mead:
“Man’s role us uncertain, undefined and perhaps unnecessary. By a great effort man has hit upon a method of compensating himself for his basic inferiority.”
If we allow the words of others to define us, we will never rise to be the person we were created to be. I am not the result of a meaningless, mindless evolutionary process that completes the circle of life by depositing my remains back into the earth. An infinite, eternal, omnipotent personal God created me and gave me a purpose for living. Say no to the words of those who divest you of the value you were created to express. Don’t give them the power to victimize you.
You and I were created to be:
Men of conviction — Those convictions are rooted in eternal truth that is designed to bring protection, peace, prosperity, and purpose to our lives. We are being conditioned to ask, “Does it work and how do I benefit?” when we should be asking, “Is it right and how can it bring the greatest benefit to others?” Without convictions we are like ship without a rudder. However the wind blows, that is how our ship goes.
Men of Courage — We must be willing to give expression to our convictions even though we know they may be misunderstood. Men of courage march to the beat of a different drum. A man can act with courage when he knows that what he is doing is built on a foundation of truth. The man of courage can admit when he is wrong.
The theology of John Wayne, whether known or not, has permeated the mind of men. He says, “Never apologize mister, it’s a sign of weakness.” The courageous man can say, “I was wrong.”
Men of Care — There is an old proverb that states, “The strength of a man is his kindness.” In her book, The Hearts of Men, Barbara Ehrenreich describes Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood) as the man who can pull the trigger without the flinch of an eye—a man whose emotion is as frozen as the polar ice cap.” The man of care allows the pain of a person’s trauma to infect his soul and lead him to an action of care.
Men with a Cause — We were not created to be fans in the stands – people who wonder what’s happening, passively watching what is happening or critically condemning what is happening. We were intended to be people who make it happen. Our culture has saturated our minds with a self-focused ideology. My career, my dream, my future, my possessions, my investments, and the list goes on. We are here to bring the greatest good, to the greatest number of people for the greatest length of time. How do I deploy my assets to bring the greatest benefit to where I am living?
Let me repeat myself: we can’t change our past, but we can make choices today that will create a past worth honoring.
I invite you, men of courage, men of care and men with a cause to join me in the new manhood call and I’ll see you at the top.
Duane Harder
