Motivational speaker Jim Rohn is famous for saying, “You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Take some time to think about that. Seriously.
I remember reading a statement like Jim Rohn’s. The author stated that we are the composite of the books we read, the music we listen to, the movies we watch and the people in our inner circle.
So, who makes up your inner circle? Are any of the five listed below a part of the circle?
The Toxic – Never see the possibility only see the problem. These are the Eeyore’s of life. They are: The sag and bags – It’s too hard! The lag and drags – It won’t work, we tried it before! The sign and die – “I’m with you but I have no faith for the outcome.” The only creativity these people bring are creative ways to be negative. They do not bring constructive analysis, they inject clouds of doubt and fear.
The Trapped – These are the victims who can always find someone or something to blame. “The jerk in front of me was going 10 K below the speed limit. There was a short opportunity and I sped up to pass. I got a ticket for speeding. He should have got the ticket for impeding the flow of traffic.”
The Tender – These are the people who can empathize without drowning you in self-pity. These people feel the pain of your failure but help you grow through the experience. Their battle scars are badges of honour not demons of defeat. They don’t point the way, they walk the way and will help you be disciplined, devoted and decisive.
The Triumphant – These are the people who see your God given talents and help you plot a course of action for their development and release. They will never measure you by your failure, but they will help you separate the wheat from the chaff.
The Transparent — The toxic and the trapped are enveloped with insecurity. They are quick to correct but slow to receive correction; they place their strength over against your weakness; they highlight their success without ever admitting failure. On the other hand, the transparent are just that. They are open without being self-depreciative. They identify with weakness and at the same time bring their strength to your weakness without condescension.
Choose your friends carefully. You don’t have to be a snob, but you do need to be selective.
Books, movies, and music all represent the eye and ear gates of our life. At the onset of the computer era someone said, “Remember, its garbage in, garbage out.” In other words, you get out of the computer what you put in. What we fill our minds with via books, movies, and music, gets translated out into our life.
A couple in their early 70’s was referred to me by their doctor. She wanted a divorce. He was devastated and couldn’t understand why. I noted some of their early family history and listened carefully to their story. I was puzzled by her insistence on getting a divorce. A thought came to my mind that I turned into a question: “Do you spend time watching soap operas?” Her head dropped and he answered the question: “She’s been watching them for as long as I can remember.” I looked at her and said, “Are you expecting some stunning knight to emerge out of the sunrise and carry you off into the sunset?” She very reluctantly admitted to that dream. Her consistent media input had forged a fantasy marriage that no man could match. After a few sessions she got her feet back on the ground, her mind focused on reality and her will set to live out the covenant commitment of her youth. ( Just to balance the scale, there were things that he needed to learn about nurturing care.)
The fact is that movies and TV are not just sources of entertainment, they are purposefully used to shape the ideals and values of culture.
And then there is music. In recent years there has been considerable research on the impact of music on the brain. There are certain frequencies that create agitation while others produce an emotion of calm.
In 1969 and early 1970 a group of U.S. federally funded doctors researched the link between hard-rock and premarital sex. The study concluded that there is as much a relationship between the two as between smoking and cancer.
Frank Zappah, leader of a rock group called “Mothers of Invention,” said, “the loud sounds and the bright lights of today are tremendous indoctrination tools. It is possible to modify the human chemical structure with the right combination of frequencies. If the right kind of beat makes you tap your foot, what kind of beat makes you curl your fist and strike?”
Music is a powerful chisel for shaping the values of a culture. Research has demonstrated that the lyrics, musical composition, and tonal frequencies all combine to write a script in our brains. Select your music, books, and movies carefully.
I took a speed-reading course that lifted my intake to 1000 words per minute with 95% retention. My wife’s comment: “Maybe you should be more selective in what you read rather than increasing the volume.” She had a valid point.
Choose your friends, books, music, and entertainment wisely and let them assist you in your journey to the top. Looking forward to seeing you there.
Duane Harder
