by Cara Chalmers
Dear Cara,
I am a semi-retired woman in my late 50’s who chooses to continue with part time work despite having left my full time career in the private sector about three years ago. I find that continuing to work gives me an opportunity to meet new people, stay on my feet and take an active role in my community.
About six months ago I began a position at a small non-profit agency in the city. This position utilizes many of the skills that I had honed during my earlier full- time career. For this role I am contracted to work 16 hours per week, either from home or at the office. I am not being paid well but that is not the point of why I am interested in being employed.
I generally enjoy the role I have been hired for and I choose to work from the office on most days I am working, giving me plenty of opportunity to get to know and engage with my coworkers. All of whom have been quite lovely – except for one: My manager.
Cara, I have never in my professional career dealt with such a moody and grouchy colleague, let alone the person who I report directly to and must work with quite closely. This person presents themselves as very unapproachable and mostly just annoyed by any interaction that I initiate. I have tried to remain friendly and ask questions about them and their life as a way to build rapport but their uninviting attitude has remained consistent. I watch my other colleagues ignore and avoid this person at all costs as to avoid any conflict.
It has gotten to the point where I am now interpreting this rudeness as a personal attack and it is causing quite a bit of stress and anxiety for me. My husband and children have advised me to just quit and move on so that I might regain my peace of mind. It seems silly to me to have to quit a position that I generally enjoy and that fits my needs. I have never considered myself a quitter and I find this path difficult to swallow. Is my family correct, or do you think it worthwhile for me to stay?
Sincerely,
To Stay or Go
Dear To Stay,
You are in an incredibly unique situation here. Let me explain. The uniqueness lies in the fact that you are working for personal enjoyment and, if I assume correctly, not for income and/or financial security. Many people who choose employment after retiring from their careers do so in large part for the financial benefit that they receive from that work. Oftentimes theses post-retirement incomes help to offset the costs of things like travel or pursuits such as golf. These incomes can provide extra security for the day to day spending in a person’s life. And, in some cases, people simply have not saved enough for a full retirement and extra income is necessary. Consider yourself lucky in this regard.
As for your challenging boss at this job, that is unfortunately not unique in the slightest.
Workplace conflict, especially within hierarchical structures (as most workplaces are), is one of the leading causes of stress leave and absenteeism in North America.
I’d like to encourage you to reframe the dynamic that you are experiencing with this manager. You are not the problem! The problem here is the bad behaviour and cruel treatment that comes from your boss. They are a difficult person, regardless of if you are around or not and we know this because of how you other colleagues respond to them. Please don’t take how they behave personally as most of what other people say and do is not a reflection of us, it is a reflection of them.
Now with that in mind and because of your unique circumstances I would suggest that you have little to lose here. Try and speak directly to your manager and ask them what their reasons are for behaving in such an unwelcoming way. Reflect back to them how their rude behaviour is interpreted and how it makes you feel. If this doesn’t have any effect or if neither of these things feel comfortable for you to do then go above this person and raise the issue with upper management. If nothing is done then take this as a sign that this is not a healthy organization and not someplace that you want to spend your semi- retired years.
You are correct in thinking it silly for you to have to quit due to another person’s difficult personality but at the same time, is this really a mountain that you need to climb? You clearly have valuable skills and if your manager can not find a way to behave professionally then follow the advice of your family and resign.
Cara Chalmers, is a local writer, therapist and registered social worker living in Springbank, Alberta. Need some advice? Questions for Cara can be emailed to: cara@askcara.ca
